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| And Now the Ugly Side |
| Tuesday, September 23, 2008 |
Little sister, if you do read this, please do not get offended. I still love you!
I wanted to let everyone enjoy my celebration for a few days before sharing with you "the other side of the story." So now you get to hear that side.
Damian did the very respectable thing, and went to my parents on Friday evening to ask for their blessing to marry me. Their blessing is NOT what he got. Though they were cordial, they told him that they do not agree with interracial marriage. They would not treat us any different, but they needed him to know where they stand. They said they would not "disown" me, and that they would come to the wedding, but they would not have choosen HIM to marry me.
Needless to say, Damian left with his spirit crushed. Its very hard to explain how a guy whose parents were not good role models, and put him in harms way often growing up, have been so receptive of us, and my family who gave me a story book raising have been so "unreceptive" (to say the least.)
I'm proud of him for going to talk with my parents even though he knew there was a good possibility that it wouldn't be all hugs and giggles. I'm VERY PROUD of him for holding his tongue when he heard things other than blessings. To me, the fact that he asked makes it all the better. But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It hurts to know that someone I idolize as much as my parents are responsible for such hurtful words. It hurts to know that the people who should be the most happy for me, are the ones who are least happy.
I made a point to individually call or see my family to share my news with them, before posting anything on the internet, and emailing and texting my friends. So it was also disheartening to hear my family dodge telling me "congratulations." I got "thanks for calling", "When?", and other polite responses, and I even got some congratulations from some family members...those I am grateful for. It was just very apparent that my friends definately "celebrated" with me more than my family. So as I plan a small beach wedding, it is hard for me to imagine cutting out my friends who were SO happy for me, to make room for a family that seemed less than thrilled.Labels: My Wedding |
posted by Stephanie @ 5:03 PM  |
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| 9 Comments: |
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Oh Steph I am so sorry that so many people are still so narrow minded. I don't know Damian, but he seems like a nice guy so until proven otherwise that is what I'll stick to.
Hugs to you! We will all be there with you that day in thought and spirit!
This is probably going to sound really ignorant and piss a couple people off, but Madi's dad is white, right? He wasn't a stand up guy, right? Why not be happy that you found someone who is not only treating you, but also your beautiful daughter well and how does Madi feel about Damian? That is the true judge, a child is a pretty good judge of character. Just some thoughts.
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I hate to hear this. I hope that your family can see Damian for who he is (not his skin color) in time.
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And on a completely different subject...you have been tagged over at my blog. :o)
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Aw, that's so sad. But you know, through their lack of acceptance, maybe you can learn to be more accepting yourself.
I remember getting into a small disagreement with you a while back about your daughter hanging out with an Indian friend, remember? You said you would tolerate it but not encourage it. I think that's what your parents are doing to you and Damien... *blushes*
I do hope you get your happily ever after and I hope your wedding isn't unnecessarily complicated. (hugs)
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Sorry, I spelled his name wrong.. :(
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Prin: I guess you are right, though my feelings on this child from India had more to do with they way he is raised (i.e. his mother has zero rights or respect), but I do see the similiarities.
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I hope they come around. (hugs)
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Well, your little sister did read this...by chance, no less, since I've been less than present in the blogger world recently...nonetheless, I did read it. And I'm not offended, but as usual, I suppose I'm about to play my role of the peace keeper...
Although Mom & Dad didn't jump up and down and give him their blessing, would you have really wanted them to? I mean, knowing that it isn't the way they really feel? (Dad more than Mom, of course). It would have all been fake, and that isn't even worth it. I think it shows great love for you that Dad is open to it as much as he is, because it isn't an idea that he was raised to accept.
Now, that being said, you should know that it doesn't bother me one little bit, and I think Damian is a super great guy! (And as a side note, Courtney has the best point of all...Madi's dad was a complete loser...white, but a loser).
So whether or not I actually said the word to you the other day or not (because I'm sure I fed you all the polite lines, too, and not to mention the fact that I was ticked at the hubby when you walked in), you get a big CONGRATS from me!
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Mandypoo: Please don't think I meant you. I know how you feel, and that you support us. I was most upset that Damian had to face what he had to face, and I saw the hurt on his face from it. It just stinks to know someone you love so much would be responsible for that hurt.
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First of all congrats on getting married. I am so happy for you guys. Secondly I want to say that I've been in your shoes. As you may know I'm married to a black man and my Dad flipped out! He was extremely pissed off at the fact that I was marrying this guy. He even put up a front to my husband when he asked my father if he could marry me. My Dad actually said yes but then in the weeks and months to come it became apparently clear that my Dad was not happy about the situation. He refused to go to my wedding, refused to pay for anything like brides fathers are supposed to do . We ended up going to the courthouse because that was all that we could afford. What makes the whole situation worse is that my father is going to my brother's wedding next year, and is all supportive of him getting married just because it is someone that is "the same color". Isn't that messed up? How awkward is it going to be for me to go to my brother's elaborate wedding when I didn't even get the opportunity to have a wedding of my own? How awkward will it be to have my Dad sit next to me at my brother's wedding but he couldn't even give me away at my own?
Not having support from your father will hurt you more than words. I went ahead and followed my heart getting married but still to this day my heart aches that my Dad had nothing to do with the biggest day of my life.
I wish you guys all the best. It isn't going to be easy with out the support of the people that mean the most from you but you are following your heart and that is what you are supposed to do in life. Don't let people get you down, you have to live your life not them.
thedomesticdiva.org
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Name: Stephanie
Home: Macon, Georgia, United States
About Me: Holy Crap I will be 29 soon! My friends and I are creating a before we turn 30 bucket list...hmmm what to add?
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Oh Steph I am so sorry that so many people are still so narrow minded. I don't know Damian, but he seems like a nice guy so until proven otherwise that is what I'll stick to.
Hugs to you! We will all be there with you that day in thought and spirit!
This is probably going to sound really ignorant and piss a couple people off, but Madi's dad is white, right? He wasn't a stand up guy, right? Why not be happy that you found someone who is not only treating you, but also your beautiful daughter well and how does Madi feel about Damian? That is the true judge, a child is a pretty good judge of character. Just some thoughts.