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| One Brick at a Time |
| Tuesday, January 22, 2008 |
I had a follow up visit with the plastic surgeon today. He takes a look at my breast first. He says "It shouldn't be that dark. I wonder why it didn't fade. It should have faded by now." Thanks doc! Because apparently you didn't know I needed more depressing news right at this very moment! So he suggests that it might be lighter in 3 months and we can try bleaching it then. (Bleaching it now wouldn't work because it is too dark. It is still the color of a scab...but without the scab.)
I filed for unemployment today. I'll get more than I thought. Still not a huge amount though. Now I just have to hope I get it.
One day in at my parents and I already want to know what are the chances of success if I jump out the second story window? Now I remember why I was in a rush to leave the last time.
Damian asks me all the time why my relationship with my mom is so strained. I didn't know it was. We go to lunch all the time, hang out a lot...really what is wrong with our relationship? He says its just surface though. He's probably right, but it works for me. I guess during one of my surgeries they were in the waiting room talking and Mom told Damian that I don't tell them anything. I don't ever let them know what is going on in my life. Until today I thought that was ridiculous...sure I do. But today I realized, no, I don't. I also realized why. Mom isn't one of those people who you can go to and say "I'm in trouble can you do me a favor." Because if you do, she will for the next five years say "Do you need to be eating out today? Remember 5 years ago I had to fill up your gas tank when you were low on gas." And she is also one to give you the hour and a half lecture before she helps you...making you feel about 2 inches tall.
I had forgotten about that. I hadn't remembered that she did this stuff, but unconsciously I must have remembered, because for the last 4 or 5 years I have avoided it at all costs. I built a wall between me and my mom, and hadn't even realized it. I had to move back to my parents house 8 years ago after my divorce and it has taken those 8 years to have a decent "surface" relationship with my mom. If I stay in this house more than 2 weeks I swear we may never talk again.
OK, so if you don't believe me, and think I am exaggerating. Today, my mom has gotten pissy with me about the following:
1. Setting the timer for 30 minutes on the chicken because "there is no way chicken is done in 30 minutes. You'll get salmonella poisoning. You can die from that. You eat your chicken only cooked 30 minutes? Well that will kill you. Look, look, see my (30 year old) cookbook says you should cook it 20 minutes on each side. You can die...." This went on for at least 6 minutes & all I was doing was setting the timer so I could CHECK the chicken & flip it.
2. Letting Madi run the bath water for more than 2 1/2 minutes. "I still hear the water. Go check on her. Don't let her fill the tub up. Go check. She's knows not to fill it all the way, right?" Serious...she's 9. She's been doing this a while, and hasn't overflowed a tub yet.
3. Having so much stuff to put in her fridge. "If I had known you had this much stuff I would have made room." Yes, she was at my apt yesterday. Yes, she did open the fridge to get the sandwich stuff out we ate for lunch. And yes, she did comment on how much was in my fridge then.
Oh, I could go on. But all of this took place between 6:00 and 11:00 at night & I was gone from 8:00 to 10:45.Labels: moving, plastic surgery, skin cancer |
posted by Stephanie @ 11:30 PM  |
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| 9 Comments: |
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I feel the need to respond because I don't think it's that you & Mom have a strained relationship. That's just how Mom's are. They worry and the nag at you. Mom does it to us. Nana did it to her. You do it to Madi, and I'm sure I'll do it to Eli. It's just the way things are.
At least, that's what I think. ;o)
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Yes, but she was so nice all day when I saw her at work & lunch, but as soon as she got home it was like she changed into her "pissy" cape or something. When I got home last night she was at it again. As I would say about Madi...Really, her attitude sucks!
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Oh honey, I can't imagine, it's got to be hard to be a grown up and be back under "Mom's roof."
Just be patient with her. You're back at home, so she's back in "Mom" mode. She feels like she has to take care of you. That's what we do. You know that.
I know you might feel like you are banging your head against that lovely brick wall in your picture, but love her back and remember, in 20 years, Madi will be blogging about you. :) (from space, maybe even!)
Good LARD, the heck my mom gives me when I just go visit, it's the pissy "don't make me come back there" gene that all moms have. Mandy's right, we all do it.
Love you, and chin up, my love!
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Vokda will do the trick! I'm thinking and praying for you!! :o)
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I don't think that's how moms (or in my case, parents) are. You just have to change your relationship. At this point, my dad knows that if he pulls that controlly-condescending stuff on me, I'm gone. I'm my own person and I've made a life for myself, and if I do get into trouble, it's temporary and I'll return the favor. End of story.
Maybe she needs a, "Look ma. I have a child who I have managed to keep alive for nine years so far. I'm a grown up. I've made mistakes and I'll undoubtedly keep making mistakes. Just let me. I can handle it."
Maybe.
(hugs)
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Boss & Poo: (I called you Poo because Boss likes to call you that & it makes me giggle too). I do think it is the "mom" trait that causes you to worry about your children, but I also think that MY mom pushes it a little too far. Worrying about bath water is a bit obsessive. I also think it is NOT the "mom" trait to be so dang moody!
Jamie: Tempting!
Prin: I agree. Of course...Madi tells me yesterday that she'll just talk to her for me. NO!!! I do not need a 9 year old telling my mom to back off.
It is just sad that I have to avoid the house not to hear her crap. I'm definately getting out of there as fast as I can. (Tomorrow would be too long.)
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LOL! I think we should all band together and call her Poo. *giggle*
I hope you didn't think I was lecturing you, my love. You would be reading about me in the paper if I was living with my mom and dad again!
I was just trying to offer another viewpoint. I AM bossy, you know. :)
And yeah, it probably is time to just have a talk.
Keep smiling, my dear.
Call if you ever need to! :)
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Bossy: Ha...I'm going to call her Poo and you Bossy! :)
I know, I was just a little moody myself the other day. Call you if I need you? Nope, I'm moving in!
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Watch out - daughters become their mothers......eventually.
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Name: Stephanie
Home: Macon, Georgia, United States
About Me: Holy Crap I will be 29 soon! My friends and I are creating a before we turn 30 bucket list...hmmm what to add?
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I feel the need to respond because I don't think it's that you & Mom have a strained relationship. That's just how Mom's are. They worry and the nag at you. Mom does it to us. Nana did it to her. You do it to Madi, and I'm sure I'll do it to Eli. It's just the way things are.
At least, that's what I think. ;o)