Why didn't someone tell me planning a wedding is so stressful!?! Okay, so you really did, but why didn't I listen? In 8 days I have changed the wedding date 4 times! First it was 11/8, but mom couldn't make it. So then it was 11/15, but his mom couldn't make it, so then it was 11/22, and that seemed to work for everyone...until mother nature struck (early) this weekend, lining me up for another crinsom wave on the 22nd, so now it looks like it will be the 29th (as in 2 days after Thanksgiving). And well, quite honestly, that is if we have any financial help. Otherwise, we either have to post-pone or downsize. How do you downsize a small wedding?
I did the budget this weekend, and picked out colors. The color will be green, and the budget is $6,000! Not bad, but we still don't have it. Of course $2,000 of that $6,000 is the honeymoon, so that just may have to be scaled down too.
I already have a dress (thank God!), and found him an AWESOME suit at Express. I hope he gets it; he really liked it too...(except this one is in grey, and the black one looks better). What do you think?
So Damian is making phone calls today to see if his parents can help us out. I'm going to sit down with my mom one day this week, show her the budget, and ask if she thinks they can help too. Otherwise, I'm cancelling the whole thing...and Damian, Madi and I will have a private ceremony. I'm just not putting this off over money. Nope, not gonna do it!
Little sister, if you do read this, please do not get offended. I still love you!
I wanted to let everyone enjoy my celebration for a few days before sharing with you "the other side of the story." So now you get to hear that side.
Damian did the very respectable thing, and went to my parents on Friday evening to ask for their blessing to marry me. Their blessing is NOT what he got. Though they were cordial, they told him that they do not agree with interracial marriage. They would not treat us any different, but they needed him to know where they stand. They said they would not "disown" me, and that they would come to the wedding, but they would not have choosen HIM to marry me.
Needless to say, Damian left with his spirit crushed. Its very hard to explain how a guy whose parents were not good role models, and put him in harms way often growing up, have been so receptive of us, and my family who gave me a story book raising have been so "unreceptive" (to say the least.)
I'm proud of him for going to talk with my parents even though he knew there was a good possibility that it wouldn't be all hugs and giggles. I'm VERY PROUD of him for holding his tongue when he heard things other than blessings. To me, the fact that he asked makes it all the better. But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It hurts to know that someone I idolize as much as my parents are responsible for such hurtful words. It hurts to know that the people who should be the most happy for me, are the ones who are least happy.
I made a point to individually call or see my family to share my news with them, before posting anything on the internet, and emailing and texting my friends. So it was also disheartening to hear my family dodge telling me "congratulations." I got "thanks for calling", "When?", and other polite responses, and I even got some congratulations from some family members...those I am grateful for. It was just very apparent that my friends definately "celebrated" with me more than my family. So as I plan a small beach wedding, it is hard for me to imagine cutting out my friends who were SO happy for me, to make room for a family that seemed less than thrilled.
We interrupt this blog to bring you this important update
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I'm getting married!
Damian proposed to me last night, well technically this morning at 1:00 a.m. No date has been set, but you can be sure that you will know every detail as it unfolds!
Of course, I know you all want to hear the proposal story, since the only 3 questions I have heard all day is "When did he do it?" "When's the date?" and "How'd he do it?" Since I already answered the other 2, I'll tell you how he did it, and how I almost ruined it.
I arranged for Madi to spend the night with my sister Mandypoo and brother-in-law so that Damian and I could have a "date night" since he has been back for 3 weeks now, and we haven't had a single childless night. Damian made reservations for us at The Red Tomato (one of my favorite restaurants, which we rarely visit due to the $30 plates). We had dinner with friends (Matt and Ashli) and then went to see Lakeview Terrace. **(Um, anyone who has seen the previews knows its about a cop who does not like his bi-racial neighbors...anyone but Damian, who was clueless to this until about 3 minutes into the movie...great pic!)
On the way home we chatted about a few things included quick stab at the fact that I had given up on all hope that we would ever get married. (I'm sure he was just laughing inside.) Once we got home, he went into the guest room and I went to my room to get my pjs on and hop into bed. He walked in like "what are you doing?" He said I thought we were gonna talk. So I looked at him and said "talk" while patting the pillow beside me. (Not how he had envisioned it.) So he kneeled beside my bed and asked me if I had a good time tonight. Then he asked if it would make my night any better if he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. So he asked me to marry him, and pulled out the most beautiful ring! I said yes! Let the journey begin!
Madi aka Little Skittle is adjusting to the move, the new school and 5th grade well, though I did have to bail her out of a project the day after it was due. We are definately having issues with that "pre-teen" attitude, and has recently discovered she is NOT too old for a good ole spankin!
A lesson, she taught the 12 year old boy up the road this week to, when she punched him in the face. I got on to her immediately, took her inside and grounded her. Within 10 minutes I had calls from other parents and adults calling to make sure I had heard the "whole" story. Yes, she did hit him first, yes he hit her back, and yes, she hit him again. (Madison - 2/Ian - 1) But from the story I have heard, this young man thought he should get on his bike and run Madi and her friend off the side walk (while riding their bikes) and then taunt them, a game he likes to play often. Monday, Madi had just had enough...so she slugged him. She did get in trouble because she is not supposed to hit anyone unless they hit her first, and technically, he didn't harm her. Now, had she gotten hurt when he ran her off the sidewalk...then GAME ON MADI! Kick his butt!
Plus I feel you should know the history on this brat! When we first moved my employees introduced Madi to Ian so she could have some friends. Within a few days I knew I didn't like him. He is a short version of the "been there, done that" guy. Meaning, he has done or knows someone who has done it all. He can top any story, and puts Pinochio to shame! I told Ian if he lied in my house again, he wasn't welcome back. Less than a week later, he was banned from my house, BUT I let Madison make the decision on whether she would be his friend or not. It took about 3 or 4 more weeks before she decided that he was "some-timy" "wishy-washy" "moody" "a liar" and flat out "mean"! She decided not to play with him anymore.
I cannot begin to tell you how bad this crawled his skin. He then took out a personal vendeta against her, being as mean as he possibly could, and trying to turn the other neighborhood kids against her. FAILURE! One by one each of the other kids has decided that they don't like his attitude and meanness either. So his posse has dwindled to the new kid who moved in 2 weeks ago. So he and this new kid do their best to annoy the 10 others who have mastered the art of ignorning them and walking away.
So I did my job as the parent. I let her make her own decision in choosing friends. I let her learn that her decisions aren't always the right ones, and I punished her for doing wrong. What I didn't do is show her how proud of her I am that as a 10 year old girl she could have kicked that 12 year old boy who out weighs her by at least 40 lbs, butt! I think it's funny that he pushed her too far, and I bet he'll think twice before he decides to bully someone who refuses to be bullied.
P.S. As a personal note to Ian's mom. You have done him no favor by pretending he can do no wrong. You've done him no justice babying him. He needs a man figure to show him how to be a man. Why do you think he acts out? Because he thinks that is being a man. I know you aren't married. Neither am I, but that's no excuse. Take him to church, but him on a ball team, let your family fill that role, but you better let a man show him how to be a man, or he just may never become one.
In large part that is because you are home to my favorite show, Grey's Anatomy, but more recently, you posted a quiz on your website allowing Americans to vote on issues, without knowing which candidate made the statements they voted on. Basically, you took the "personality" out of the candidate making us choose based on who with actually agree with. What a concept!
I encourage everyone to stop by and take this 13 question quiz where 2 statements on the same issue are compared. Each presidential candidate made the 2 statements, but you are not enlightened on who said what until it is all over. (Though a few of the questions are obvious).
I was nervous, but in the end I agreed with John McCain on 11 out of 13 issues. So, nope! I won't be changing my vote.
This possible President of the United States !! Read Below and ask yourselves, is this REALLY someone we can see as the President of our great nation!!!!
Below are a few lines from Obama's books; In his words!
From Dreams of My Father: 'I ceased to advertise my mother's race at the age of 12 or 13, when I began to suspect that by doing so I was ingratiating myself to whites.'
From Dreams of My Father : 'I found a solace in nursing a pervasive sense of grievance and animosity against my mother's race.'
From Dreams of My Father: 'There was something about him that made me wary, a little too sure of himself, maybe. And white.'
From Dreams of My Father: 'It remained necessary to prove which side you were on, to show your loyalty to the black masses, to strike out and name names.'
From Dreams of My Father: 'I never emulate white men and brown men whose fates didn't speak to my own. It was into my father's image, the black man, son of Africa , that I'd packed all the attributes I sought in myself , the attributes of Martin and Malcolm, DuBois and Mandela.'
And FINALLY the Most Damming one of ALL of them!!!
From Audacity of Hope: 'I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.'
We CANNOT have someone with this type of mentality running our GREAT nation!
***I have not read either of these books, and cannot guarantee the accuracy of these quotes. Instead I suggest that you do as I intend to do, and check it out for yourself.***
Remember, every time you point a finger, there are 3 more pointing back at you!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Someone needs to remind America of the little saying our moms taught us when we were young. VP Candidate Sarah Palin is under fire now because her 17 year old daughter is pregnant and not married. Now, in no way am I condoning premarital sex, but really, who in America doesn't have a friend of family member who hasn't gone through the same thing. I know my family has...I got pregnant with Madison as a 17 year old senior in high school. And just as Sarah Palin described of her daughter, I had to grow up much faster than my parents ever intended.
Again, I have to say I am guilty of this also, so if nothing else, I believe I will be reminded and learn several life lessons during this 2008 campaign. How funny it is that we are quick to point fingers at the other side, and make light of the same (or similar) situations on our side. For instance, boy did the Republicans (myself included) have a field day when President Clinton admitted to his affair with Monica Lewinsky. But to Democrats it was simply "no big deal." "He was just being a man." And now that the tables have turned it is a HUGE deal to Democrats that Bristol Palin is pregnant, and simply a "mistake" to Republicans.
The truth is, it was a mistake. President Clinton made a mistake. So where do you draw the line? What is an acceptable mistake, and what is not? In my opinion Sarah Palin should not be held responsible for her daughter's mistakes. I can certainly vouch that my parents were not responsible for my decision to have premarital sex. In fact, quite the opposite. Just is the case that Barak Obama should not be held responsible for his IGNORANT preacher's comments. (But should be questioned as to why he continued to sit through those sermons, that were obviously more political than Biblical.)
So as of now, I will sit quietly and think things all the way through before I point any fingers in any direction.